lin night

This is great. I love the last line. In fact, there are a lot of pretty lines. I especially like this one: "She smiles at me. too far away to ...

There are a lot of good ideas floating around here. That said, it's rather hard to critique without reading the whole thing. Is this the entire first act? If so, ...

I don't thinking making her thoughts "more random" is necessary. Like Emma said, most ill people believe they are okay. There was a recent book by Clare Morrall called Astonishing ...

Of the Sandman saga I've read Preludes & Nocturnes, The Doll's House, and Brief Lives. Honestly, every collection I read blows me away. The issue titled "24 Hours" from Book ...

"Taking a big breath that was purely metaphorical; he stood up and walked." I hate this sentence. Other than that, you have some pretty descriptions and a cool setting that ...

So-so. The voice seems more like that of a kid or teenager than an adult with children, so it's not as convincing as it could be. In addition, the content ...

This is a really cool story, deserves more comments. I am fascinated by fashion models and city life in particular. The descriptions pull you in, though I think a few ...